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i think i am really burnt out,. i just finish reading the conquered chapter 9. it is posted till only 9 whereas te authors are working on chapters TWENTY SOMETHING already. i think the next issue will be sean's, then agai i am tired of story always ending so happily ever after but i will be DAMN sad if it were to end badly. arghs. i just want to go home and sleep now. i have got a lot of things to be done and to be collected before this friday. 1) red earth 2) nature sorce 3) my pants from dp 4) manicure and i need to at least complete the first quater of my assignment. AND 3 case study on conflict. my group isnt doing anything to help and i thought i was lazy. my mom needs to check out my friends before open mouth close mouth say i am lazy. fucking bitch. whats worse is my mom thinks i stress myself out. she should really start to think twice the things she say. i think i am burnt out. whats good is that, i am still good at the things i am good at. Thank God for that. just.. mentally streched and shag. i am starting to hate a lot of things. i hate my routine, i hate to go home, i hate to face the walls of the fucking house, i hate the orange blinders in my room, i hate that my air con remote control is out of batt, i hate that my toilet never seems to be clean enough, i hate the way my room looks like now with all the bags around, i hate my mom putting my books ontop of my foolscape papers instead of where it shld originally be (my bed side), i hate the way my mom keeps my things because she thinks i wld lose it which in fact she will and not me, i hate the fact when i ask for my things which she kept she would lose it and end up blaming other people, i hate it everytime she asked me why i am so stress because she is the one giving me stress, i hate it everytime she says i am in informatics WHICH I AM FUCKING NOT. I AM FROM THAMES OR UNI OF WALES FOR GOD'S SAKE, i hate it when she always say sensualite have whatever new fucking package because i am not interested in, i hate fil because i think they are cheating my mom's money and they are too pushy, i hate being claustrophobic it makes me wanna puke or kill myself - which is why i hate to go home because i feel as if my life is just within these walls and nothing else, i hate that there is always things i have to do but unwilling to do everyday, i hate the way i always give in to pleas, i hate it that i always perform my duties without fail, i hate it that i always look out for my sister in EVERYFUCKINGWAYS and just because my parents dont see if they think i am illtreating my sister, i hate it when people treats me like a fucking GOD just because i seem to know how to do everything, i hate it when people pushes everything to me just because they are too lazy to do it, i fucking hate flattery because youre simply sucking to me just because you need me to do something for you, i hate it when i see people wasting their lives away and when i see it i wish them dead because they are not meant to be alive their live could have given to people who are worth it eg: the guys who died in the nicoll highway collaspe, i hate people who whine and beg their way, i hate it when i know they are doing it and i still give in to them,i hate it that one of the lifewasters is actually my friend, most of all i hate the way my life is now. i feel like one of the lifewasters. and whats worse is that i hate people who give me pressure. i hate myself and i hate you. i hate it when you cant decide to be cool or hot towards me. i hate it when my friends say that youre playing me. i hate it even more when i know you are playing me and i still fell for you. i hate it worst when you know how i am feeling and decide not to give me release. i hate it when i am under all sorts of ridiculous pressure i eat. i hate it when i put on a few hundred grams because it REALLY DOES SHOW, i hate that my hair is so dry, i hate it when i put make up i will kenna outbreak. i hate the fact that i am so bloody generous and i hate my grandpa because i got it from him. just treat me like a problematic depressed obese girl right now. i have always live and play by the rules (except for exams, eating and shoplifting). i am so tired of them and i think i shld start breaking some rules for everyone to see. shall start with tomorrow if aud is going to cheekys. and whats more. i hate it when i am so nice to everybody. maybe i shld have listen to my mother and not care so much and leave everybody dead for good because it aint my problem. i will. i will start with eve. if she retains or whatsoever i am not gonna care because it aint my problem. i am so tired of asking her to come to school as if its me. i shld start having friends who i just play with them. my mom is right again, no point having devote so much into any thing. because you will just end up getting hurt. out of a sudden i think my mom is very wise. indeed. one point to take notice: always listen to your mom. fucking hell. 4:39 pm powered by blogger |
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