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dishing out another salmon belly soup. well, i am gonna post something construstive now. I was reading a short pc of prose from somebody and it strike me. you know amongst all the noise there is still silence. Silence dont have to be literally silence. When someone doesnt open up, its silence. i am just surprise how the prose was inclined to this. My family is very very noisy because me and my mum have roaring voices and it just escalates higher and higher during arguments or somethingalongthisline. It isnt anybody's fault, its either a reflex or something i learned from my mom. you know those years where you subconsiously learn something from your parents or relatives? It might not be visible. It could be stuff like, how you allow something such as pride to block you going after the girl you like or making the same mistakes as somebody you know despite being in a different but however same situation? It just grows on you. Its not fun, but it sticks. and it will be better if youre aware because then you wont be oblivious and make the same mistakes they make. anyway, back to our topic, my family is a noisy bunch, we eat dinner tgt almost every night except for those nights my dad has clients from japan or i have it outside with my clique or my sister have got some big drama performance. it is not a obligatory but something that i make a point to do. it seems like we are fine but we are not. its so sickening at times, and i wonder if its omipresent in all chinese families. some issues are just there right in front of you but the whole family choose to ignore it and think it might just go away. and most of the time we just pretend it went away but the tension is breaking me. the amount of stuff we should talk about but never gotten around to do it makes me cringe and you would be surprise if i were to take notes, file it and stack it up. we communicate but we dont communicate. this is my parents way of doing up a family but i dont think it is the right way. my mom doesnt have the "soothing temper and voice" from her mom plus a fierce rivarly with her siblings and my dad comes from a family without warmth and where money was scare and house ties were invisible. i dont know if they are that desperate to give me and eli warmth but their perception is ridiculous. my mom once said something like (when she just found out eli and louie) " wo men jia mei you gei ta wen luan meh, wei shen me ta yao pau chu qu". i was like.. wth? love from the family and love from lovers is 2 different things and i really dont know why my dad marry my mom. -.-'''' but she has given me the go-ahead to get a boyfriend.. *faints-. as long as they are rich enough, good looking enough and "zhen jing" enough. -nods. i dont dare to tell them i didnt mind a girlfriend too or else ..... no thanks. i wouldnt want to face the consequence that my sister faces. i wouldnt want to get a slap on my cheek. it wouldnt be too nice. :X the silence is getting more and more defeaning but in our home where asian chinese values and cultures are very dominant, it isnt even worth it to bring up any case because my dad will just shoot it down flatly. or rather, it isnt even up for discussion. which leads me to side track. our new prime minister. For plu (the GBLT association called People Like Us who is aquiring for licnese but keeps getting rejected), it think its gonna get harder to get legal. i discuss with my dad (oh yea, political and soccer are the allowed matters), that lee hsien loong is even more conservative than Goh C.T.and he agrees. Senior Minister Goh gave a speech not too long ago that we must accept this fact and that they are just humans, just a lil different. Although, they say that it didnt make a lot or a big significance, i beg to differ. He allowed the public sector to openly employ gay women and men, which is a huge step forward as i am seeing it. From the way I see it, this alone is a move ahead. it shows that the govt is ready for something. but however, i would agree with them that this is just pea business. they public generally is still critical of crooks and it is hard to change their opinion. their opinion was trained by the govt anyway. i dont want to say it because it is a sensitive subject. For one thing, singapore has got a good environment to raise kids. I absolutely agree with that. It is safe, clean and green has good facilities. However, the kid needs to be exposed to the sounds and visuals of other countires. Understand how other people work and accept their culture. accept them for them. One of the things that i am aware is that singaporeans are damn hao lian. most are too constricted. it is like frog in the well. for the bigger countries they dont have this problem existing because they know about it. they are already how many freakin states in AME albeit they never travelled out of their own state before. but singapore is just singapore. the risk of being hao lain is quite high. and i dont deny i am hao lian to a certain extent but i am very very grateful that my parents are very well travelled themselves and do impart that to me. (and yea, my sis too but 10 out of 10 of the time, she doesnt know what she is doing) I didnt turn out to be one of those social hermits or the frogs in the well who thinks what they do is best simply because they hadnt seen any other way. and if they do, they immedietly cast it as impossible or rubbish. but then again we have exception because i do have friends who havent even been out of malaysia and arent frogs in the well. perhaps national geographic is doing its job well. round it up, it still depends on one person itself. but then again, environment counts. a lot. you can be influence greatly by the things or people around you. and gradually you become something similar. just like the aminos. we are different yet we are damn similar. we joke the same way and we go crazy the same way. we can complete each other's sentences and know what anyone's trying to say without even explaining it fully. hais, the power of influence. i realised not too long ago that singapore's flag doesnt have any symbol that states "freedom" haha. guess it doesnt take anything to explain i bet. 3:09 am powered by blogger |
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