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the beautiful ones, oh is it? stef. i dont know.that's what i heard. feb 28. 9 days more. char ng's b-dae man. bless that she gets something good. lols. no, i am not trying to be funny. i mean reallly.. hope she gives a good bdae prezzie for herself. cub: i still love you. dont worry. there's sheltre here. come back when its stormy outside. there is always space and room for you. :) ad day. maybe i am pms-ing. Lets hope this is a good news because my period better come any minute now or else i would miss a month soon. Well, a week to go. And i hope if i really go milan next month i wont have my period. A lot of walkings to do and i dont want any mess. Am meeting mitsue saito since he relocated there because of work commitments. :D Enclosed perfectionist. is there such a term? I cant accept anything that's not perfect from myself. I wont say my work is perfect or anything. I cant stand myself because i am not perfect, and i hate myself because i dont have any good traids or anything good about me. And i hate my mom because i felt i didnt have any good points was because of her, all the bad points i had seemed to come from her. I told syl some stuff, and i know she cant help me because i hadnt told her everything. there isnt even anyone i can tell to because they just cant see stuff from my point. In 'summer sisters' caitlin chose to run away because victoria was "THE" child her family had always wanted. I suppose caitlin didnt have anyone to tell to too, because no one would understand. It would of course be useless to tell victoria. I am feeling what caitlin is feeling. I cant face the world or myself because i there's simply nothing good in me. They tell me there is a purpose of me being here. If i have no good, i cant contribute, then tell me what is there for me in earth? I am too bounded by religious rules , so dont worry i wont kill myself. But if my dad hadnt been a catholic, if my granny hadnt been one, if no one was religious, i would have just ended my life long ago. well, can someone tell me, if i pass my maths Os at this end of the year, i can got to a poly? I just wish there is someplace for me to go. because stef said 5 subs without chinese and fnn. Then where does that leave me? No where i suppose? hopeless pc of ass, i mean me. Everyone expects something from me. They are expecting too much because whatever they are execting i can never attain. Even what i expect from myself cant be attained. I am tired at living up to what they think i am. Cant they see me once for what i really am? But if they do, i won't have any friends left. So i better hope they dont see me for what i really am. Gotta live up to this lie and bless that there arent anymore 'shushillas' around. But i hate the life, i hate being sneaky and worrying if i ever meet another shushilla who is gonna judge me and see me for what i actually am. a monster that is. Is there another me or am i just finding an outlet to blame all my failures on? Success for a person is what others thinks that he/she has acheived what is necessary and more in life. That is true to a certain extent. A certain shallow extent. Success to me is what i deem as success for myself ; perfection that is, not the outside but the inside. Maybe because i am physically challenged on the outside that is why i strife for perfection on the inside. But i have long ago accepted and i am very very comfortable in my body. Just as long i am this --kg and below, i think i am pretty fine. Because i can do a lot of 14s. 14 size blouse (not the button down ones tho), 14 dress, 14 skirts, but not 14 for pants. But nevermind i am happy the way it is. my mom cant see from this point. but i am glad she slimed down and i am glad she gave me sensualite to go and i can be a perfect 14 or maybe a good 12. if i hadnt stop for the Os... ahh.. fucked it. how i wished we could all turn back time to sec 4.. the beginning. the year flashed by so past i hadnt had enough time to even see what i was doing. well, you cant cry over spilled milk even tho how much you want to. Is it? no one gets it do they? wonders when will i find anyone whom really get it. but i am tired of sharing the same old story. ... ...... . Where do I begin To tell the story of how great a love can be The sweet love story that is older than the sea The simple truth about the love she brings to me Where do I start With her first hello She gave new meaning to this empty world of mine There'll never be another love, another time She came into my life and made the living fine She fills my heart She fills my heart with very special things With angels' songs , with wild imaginings She fills my soul with so much love That anywhere I go I'm never lonely With her around, who could be lonely I reach for her hand-it's always there How long does it last Can love be measured by the hours in a day I have no answers now but this much I can say I know I'll need her till the stars all burn away And she'll be there . andy willams - where do i begin 11:25 pm powered by blogger |
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