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happy new year and no that guy's NOT my bf. today is not very good. grannie is sick, my dad's mood's up and down. and mum's eccentric and my sister is as fuck up bitch as ever and i still have to deal with criticisms. No wonder they say i have to be super tolarant this year. sb said a lot of times to me that i should be contended with what i have acheive. I see the point now and how i wish i could but people are always expecting more of me. My dad thinks i'm a swakoo and i dont know anything about the outside world. Which is damn true. i am 17 not 71. What does he think i am? And i am not fat till this stage where i look unpleasant do i? i dont right? I wish he would just fucking stop commenting on what i wear on fucking new year's day. Its during these times i simply detest my dad till end point. My mum, who always claims she's the model of equality, have proven herself again that she aint it at all. My sister, who thought that her comp broke down, told my mum and my mom came in and shouted at me to immedietly surrender the comp to her. What fucking logic is that? I went over to see my sis's comp and she exclaim that if my sister's comp spoil and cant be fixed she would buy another one. I am really gonna curse and swear at that because when my comp threatened to break down she never once did tell me she would sponsor me another comp. and yet when i said i wanted to change my handphone, she screamed at me. Where is the world coming to? Do you feel sometimes its all down, pressing down and suffocating you? This is one great example. I am torn between what i actually am and my fucking parents expectations. Its so damn fucking hard for me to have a mind thinking like a 37 when i am only 17. Its already bad enough to the fact that my mind is probably on its way to be like a 27. If i really did manage to think like a 37, then what would be the fucking possible way for me to talk parallel with my own friends? sometimes i wish i was dead, that way i dont have to keep running away from whatever that's chasing me and i dont have anyone's expectations to live up to. Well, maybe God's and mine? but God never asked me for anything besides living like a true christian and be true to myself. fuck it. totally fuck it. I came back from Japan 2 days ago and on the first night i slept at 4AM and last night i slept at 3. even my cousin said i had eye bags that's quite eye catching. i shall go wash my face and sleep now. and if gylynn is reading this. dont smirk that her target is indeed and actually me not you. haha. :) and no, that guy's not my bf .haha. If there is anyone i would describe as perfect. he would be it. :) 12:05 am powered by blogger |
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