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tidal waves so many things happened and if i was really going to blog all of them, it would be crazy. Fristly, ke shou liang's dead. I am just glad that there is someone walking down the road looking and searching for leslie and when he finally found leslie, he would (hopefully) walk with him to where theyre heading to. Rest in Peace, May God Bless them. (: Secondly, reading lesman's blog has, again, got to my head. He cnp the entire conversation with his pal and i experienced deja vu. If lester is going to do nothing to help his friend, and when one day he found out his friend has seep into the middle where the dancers are and cannot be fished out, he would live with guilt for the rest of his life. Just like what i am now. Guilt ridden. THe way his pal speaks is just like the way a some people i come across speaks. Is he really gearing up to get people on his side for his 'deul' with God? I hadnt even had chance to talk to any Father about this. How pathetic i am. Maybe, just maybe, i might catch Father Yeo after rciy and talk to him. Although for me, i would go to Father vienny lee, but i have this tugging feeling that he might look at me with contempt when he eventually digest the contents i am going to tell him about. That aside, i want to say that there is no such thing as cannot be fished out, but unfortunately there somehow is. God will always wait for me. But i need me to help myself before God can help me. and if me dont help myself, no one's gonna help me and this is the time where no one can save you. You need to save yourself before anyone, even God, can save you. So when youre in too deep and realise you cant get it out, you'll need a friend. and when this particular friend who knows what is happening to you but doesnt realise the importance , or when you both dont realise it, this is the genuine case where everything doesnt applies anymore. I am God's child, from the day i was born, till the day i'm dead. So question about that. Thirdly, i finished marian keyes' shushi for beginners. Another deja vu. If anyone have read that book, i am exactly like Lisa (well, almost anyway). Lisa tried so hard to get out of her roots, proving that she is entirely different from the wack hazzard family she is from, but in the end, she realises that she is at the spot where she started. Back to square one. I feel back to square one too. I want the loudness to go away, i tried so hard. And when someone points out something to me, i realised all i was is back at the same square i started from. Maybe there was a step forward and a step back or many steps forward and i sling back or maybe, i didnt even step out of that box. So when I found out that i cant get out of that square, i make full use of the space i have. Exploring different areas and trying to change the way i'm standing in that box, not necessarily needing to move out of that square. Fourthly, not only that, shushi for beginners also let me see my current situation in real words, so is Grayce. We're in a intertransmission. In between this phrase and another. We all know the previous phrase, but we also know we arent going back to that kind of life anymore because we no longer are in school or studying together. When we settle down in our next phrase (meaning Jcs to Jc, polys to polys and aussie to aussies), and if at that point of time, we are still comfortable with each other, we are still meeting together, then we are the ones who brave through the testing of tidal waves through our friendship. Friendship that goes through ups and downs either make or break them, these are quick and there is no doubts about it. What's worse is when friendship remains stagnent just because you dont hang out together and simply everyone got bored with everyone and it just ends there. That is scarier than it ever is, because its a new minefield i havent explore and i simply absolutely dont wish to. the future is uncertain, let us make use of the time we have now and cherish each other. carpe diem. five, i went to meet cream and yz today and only to realise how much i miss them. I talked to janei and yun today on msn only to know that i am missin them. Reading their blogs gives me an idea of their lives. For those who dont have, i can only wonder. Like gg, i know she is still here, at home and friend with her bro, yz is back from tas and i like the way she is lookin now, cia is in the states, yun is preparing to go italy, stef is still alive leaving for HK tmr, janei is workin and so is audd and pesky must be playing gun bound and trainin and where does that leaves mousey with her orange hair? i miss all of my aminos. amide linkage dont break that easily. The only enzyme we are facing is time. TIme will corrode everything. Time will heal your broken heart, but time dont heal stagnent friendship. Thou aminos, you get what i am saying? I wish one day, when you all see me in CNN or some mag and still exclaim youre my clique mate and prouda me. I dont want one day where you say something like " oh, she's my class&sch mates, we were in a clique and she's real loud. oh she's at __ now? i thought she would be a business woman. she was the type" I finished huan zu ge ge 3rd set of disc and another deja vu. i quote from the huang sang " these days all are memories, memories of xiao yan zi coming into gong and the days" No, i dont want to sing " those were the days my friend, we thought they'wld ne'er end..., once upon a time there was a tavern, where we used to raise a glass or two. remember how we laughed away the hours, and think of all the great things we would do. those were the days my friend..." these lyrics are all by heart btw. There was a tavern? Sngs it is. I dont want to return to that place currently. Those were the days and i want to keep it that way because although i miss that place, it will never be the same again without all my pals from the graduating class of 2003. I enjoy my time with the aminos and i dont believe out time will end this way because there will be much more things in the future awaiting for us to embrace, to ride through and i want to do exactly that with you all. Love you the aminos babes. to the debaters of the gracians, we fought those glorious battles together and i wont forget you all, so please book a date with my secretary *points to vern, for some mjs and steamboat and the people at LADS. you people were the best thing that happened to me (after the aminos, that is) and i am extremely grateful for what you all have given me. including all the orange badges, white badges, read badges, green badges and the blue badges, esp son, sb, chris, lynn, zhiling, bas, vinca, marilynn&rebecca. although only some knew how torrid my life was at LADS, but the rest still gave equal concern and care for me as those who knew what was happening. I am eternally grateful. If there is anything in the future, come to me. You have my word i'll be there and try my best. 6, As i sip my green tea in my study room using my sis comp, all i can think of is my session at sensualite tmr, and if breeks/kino is gonna call and can i make it down to monks tmr cos kai seems to want me to be there and joining back rciy and if my weight went up also where is the book kill joy and how much are my libary over dueing for a month fees and how tired i am but i want to read the books i bought today with my gift card and what else to write. 7, there is something thats been bugging me and will continue to bug me until i get back my results. that is did i pass my maths, science&lit? I know i pass my science, but did i really, really really reallly really really pass? how bad did i do for lit? and maths! if i fail maths it equals to failing english. i cant go anywhere. No ITE for me. I would just have to work and study (with g, if she is retaking with me) and i will let everyone down and i cant go back to milan and see pippo. dont know what to say. I am worried beat. I am so tired because of this and i cant gear up any energy. All i want is to eat and eat and eat to stuff all my worries down my stomach. but if i did that, what will happen to all my hardwork at sensualite? I dont like feeling full, it makes me feel heavy and useless. like a retard. but i cant control. See a shrink? that would cost.. a lot a lot of money. been there done that. it coast about 136 for an hr everytime, but it did help me to get through the certain thing i went for. 8 sessions. count the money. I want to cry everytime i see that amount. I could easily spend that amount on something else. and i wasted 48 dollard on giodano clothes. When i went home, (i bought 4 tops) i realised i dont want any of them. even looking at them makes me feel disgusted and useless. What cant i control? What happened to my holding back? Whatever happened? 8, the truth hits back home only after talking to son about paris hilton. I would have to reformatt my comp and i once spoke about how that CANNOT happen. Because all the digital photos i have on my comp of pippo are priceless. You cant find it at anywhere now. Its priceless! PRICELESS! www.acmilan.com changed the whole gallery and you cant view pictures of the past. Past meaning the pictures i have from games from long ago. And my famous pippo pic! the one he has with his shades on! i cant lose that. i cant.. and what will happen to my 2000 songs? those are priceless too! i have some hacken song that are not in his Cd, bee ges songs, old songs which i dloaded from audio galaxy (it was a DAMN BLOODY GOOD SITE). songs like wo deng zhe ni hui lai by bai guang, chen lei's songs, grace zhou when she resings all old hits.. DWAM. erfnjkojmpojnihdcrtateg 9, no, no way francis yap is taking my comp away from me or even the thought of reformatting it. WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO JUNIOR ANSELMO AND EHUDAS?! i dont have their contacts, as in phone numbers, i lost them long ago. they on icq and ehud's nick is TRAP. there are SO MANY trap around in icq and junior's nick is JU. there are SO MANY JUs! no no oh no oh no fijhqiwehfiohnjkfugbkbwelfuhblhfdsb njhweb aufuhb;QDJWQOJWEFKLHjdvqkbvk liqdhkbwberfugqwVDBKFVYHVWEFJBWEJFGUKGu 10, i would like to thank those people who have played a role in my life (any role) ever since i was in sngs. Including people like diana ngiam to ping to joyce ngiam to steph ting to felicia ngiam to felicia koh to si hui to yee on to jia hui to yangkai to yi wei to tracie to shu yar to eeli to jayjaxjags to the lads people to son to mr wong to mrs lee to ms jeya to mrs sng to xiao zhang to prawny to 3&4 grace to ms heng. i thank fate for giving the chance for us to know each other, no matter how insignificant you have been in my life. i dont care how small you are but you mean big. and i need you to know that i truly love all of you. and even if our paths dont seem likely to cross in the future, it will. believe me it will. because i trust and believe in this word kismet ps: i've got a migrain. from slackin too much and writing too much out of a sudden. 1:44 am powered by blogger |
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