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Check back with me some half a decade down the road ok? Nights that happened like last night only survive in two circumstances. One, the O levels. Two, i cant really remember when was it. I dont think i slept any wink last night. When my maid called me, she was simply waking me from, no not slumber, but the simple reaction of opening my eyes. I figured out that if i cant rest my mind, i need to rest my body and my eyes. Technically, the term sleeping means to rest the eyes, body and brain. But ridiculously, my brain keeps darting everywhere, unable to settle for one topic. One instance, i'm visioning myself in hongkong. Next, graduation. Then after that, Japan. Even after Japan, it was whirling around like lethal weapon roller coaster in aussie. I could do nothing to stop it. So yeah, when my maid came in, i just merely did the job of lifting my eye lids, jolting me back to reality. They tell me that when you finish the Os paper you would probably know how much you've gotten. just like the Os for chinese, when i predicted a B3. It was one. I didnt mean to achieve that. But i know my compo failed miserably. However this time, i am unable to say how much i will score. because the idea of failing the paper haunts me like crazy. I am about to be driven mad by that idea. Anyhow, like what song said, its over. No use thinking about it. I cant let it bug me for the rest of the 4 months (until i get my results that is). Thanks JUNE NI for coming over early in the morning with betty cookers brownies to wish us good luck. but we ate it after the paper. so like what jolene said, do we try and not shit so that the luck will remain inside us? hahaha :) Diligently working on compos now, thinking of possible topics so as to prepare myself and not give my heart and brain a scare when i come across a vaguely familiar topic and yet unable to think of anything to write about. Later in the day, maybe after my swim (that is when i actually feel better not suffering from a bad headache like now), i will complete maybe 2 comphrehensions. By rights, we are actually behind time because we were suppose to complete the whole book which other geniuses probably did. And Wendy was almost right in deciphering that i was too complacent in my work. However much, i dont wish to agree with her that i'm smart, simply because i'm not. Surprisingly, i updated my easyjournal last night. For those who knew me at that era could go take a look, but it is not worth a cent of yours to look. It is a very short piece and i rather you read it here, since its about the same nitty gritty stuff. I re-read all my entries in there too. Reminds me how much i suffered under the hands of that merciless teacher and a bad start to the year 2003. When i was celebrating the new year, I had this feeling that i would have a bad start, indeed i did. I lay rest at my intuition; it hits the bulls eye most of the time. Must be that moon shaped necklace i was stupidly holding on to. Decieving myself time and time again that its not the necklace fault and that its innocent. How very well i bullshited to the very self of mine, shows you what a nincompoop i am, aint it? Again, I am guiding myself through Abraham's Promise. I feel the sense of urgency to read that book, to get use to it. Memorise the arguments I formed in mind silently while going through the book on sunday. Perhaps I should noted it down on paper and pen right away everythime a decent construction of an argumenative sentence is formed. Seriously, maybe i should not underestimate the power of pen and paper. Ok, off i go to meet Abraham. A thought for food; my initial conception that lester is a very depressed person is somehow wrong. Because i received notions saying that my work is equally depressing. No, depressing is the wrong form of the word. It is more like it that writers (generally people who write a lot, like me for basics) thinks a lot. And that is misjuidged for depression. But before that, here's a little something, which i deemed very meaningful to me, i want to share with you. "When you first start writing stories in the first person if the stories are made so real that people believe them the people reading them nearly always think the stories really happened to you. That is natural because while you were making them up you had to make them happen to the person who was telling them. If you do this successfully enough you make the person who is reading them believe that the things happened to him too. If you can do this you are beginning to get what you are trying for which is to make the story so real beyond any reality that it will become a part of his memory. There must be things that he did not notice when he read the story or the novel which without his knowing it, enter into his memory and experience so that they are a part of his life. This is not easy to do." --Ernest Hemingway, unpublished manuscript, Kennedy Library collection A mere paragraph like that has showed that i failed terribly as any form of writer. But that's the epitome of being a writer and i am still at a different realm. Just like what jolene said of my work today. That it is evoking but not to the point of tears. so check back with me half a decade down the road ok? 4:26 pm powered by blogger |
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