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( ( why do i have to make things so complicated ) ) people say that winning should give one some satisfaction. but why am i feeling so bad now? my mum just jolly well shouted at me because i dropped my dad's NEW fone onto the carpet. i felt tears welling. and yes. i finally cried. finally. seems like bringing my class to the Finals is so easy. my family DID NOT even congratulate me on my achievments. just to emphasize fighting against superior classes isnt that all easy. esp when u are labelled as" pathetic, horrendeous and BTC ( beyond teachers control) all i need is some words of encouragement. is that too much? am i asking for too much? it's me who made it all so complicated. if there wasnt interclass debate. if i didnt show what i could do with my mouth if only i hadnt go for debate interclass comp it would not have been like this i dont know at all how she is feeling. i am damn anxious. i really dont noe how is she feeling. and wether she can cope with this losing coz i know her territority and space has been invaded, her standing ground suddenly seemed soft and shaky, the invinsible wall she built up to protect her forte has been broken down, i know coz i experienced it before. sb, if i can do anything, i will. i cannot stand the shouting anymore. why is my family so loud? why cant they understand the word peace? and the word QUALITY? why are they wasting every precious minute of the world talking so loudly and so airheadedly? i hate it because ( (you environment determins the person you will be ) ) and i am trying very hard to correct my flaws. it is still very obvious to me, and to shushi. she sees through me, that's why she hates me so much. i appear to be quite civilised and cultured. but in the actual fact i am not. i try to inculcate all those GOOD values into my blood. all by myself. because i have no one to help me. and i feel lonely. at the back of my head, i know excately God is standing near me. but what i really need is assurance in the real world. somebody to show me that what i am doing is correct. sometimes i think i know what i want. sometimes when i look again, i ask myself, is this rEALLY what i WANT? i dont like having doubts. but i cant help but..... 9:11 pm powered by blogger |
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